I'm totally sure, kind of.

I have become the kind of person who decides something and then feels the need to be totally and utterly committed to that decision. When I want to feel a certain way, I will shove all my unfiltered feelings through the strainer in order to make the feelings that come out the ones that I want.

I didn't used to be this way.

I've changed in an attempt to be less crazy. Because unfiltered feelings make you crazy. Acting on unfiltered feelings can make you crazy stupid.

But over lunch today I had this sudden rush of unfiltered feelings - and they were raw and scary and reactionary and they're unbelievably difficult to turn off.

And I find myself wondering how long can you rewrite the feelings you have for the feelings you want? And when do you have to stop thinking about down the road and walk on the sidewalk under your feet?

I just want to throw my hands up and scream that it's not fair! The feelings I have don't match the feelings I want.

Where's the microchip for your brain that turns this crazy crap off? Where's the microchip that makes us all calm, rational, kind individuals?

I'm lookin' at you Apple. Get it together.

Creative Fail

I know that last time I posted I promised I would start the 365 days of creativity challenge... but clearly I am big liar mc. liar pants. I was also held accountable for not posting at all - so here I am - posting. I do it for the mass amounts of readers I am sure were waiting anxiously for more brilliant Branaman babble.

To be honest - there is not a drop of creative juice running through these veins currently. My 12 year old brother has more creative juice in his pinkie toe than I do in my entire being at this moment.

I blame big kid life. The parts of life that leave you responsible for someone else's rent because their life, understandably, takes a turn. The parts of life that stick a screw in the tire of your less than a year old car. The parts that allow you to say yes to a vacation for the month that just so happens to be shaping up to be the most expensive month since you started bringing home a paycheck.

Those parts. Those big kid parts of life that make you want to scream, slash tires, punt small fluffy dogs and maybe even break someone's wedding china for kicks.

I'm not an angry person, and certainly not a spiteful person (in my own well-informed opinion) - but right now I understand those people. How long can you laugh at your own misfortune? Shrug off the fleas biting the bajeezes out of your shoulders?

If I don't go home and find a panda in my backyard - I think all hope is lost. Because a wise person once said: How could you possibly be angry if you found a panda in your backyard. I mean... it's a panda... in YOUR backyard. That's fantastic.

365 days of creativity

Alright, so what now?

I should have known that the people in my life would find a way to answer the question above.

My little sister, in all of her brilliance, brought me a present today. The book is called "A Daily Creativity Journal". There are 365 easy, creative tasks in this book. The idea is to do one small, creative task, every single day of the year, and document it.

I love this idea.

The original perpetrator of this artsy challenge is named Noah Scalin, and I encourage you to look into what he did that put this movement in motion.

So, here I go I guess. Tonight I will post 1/365 creative creations.

Wish me luck.

Bedtime

It is highly unlikely that 6 months ago I would have believed I would be chasing a 10:30 bedtime.

Although I see that the sheer fact that I can go to sleep at 10:30 means there is a serious lack of evening activity in my life, I really and truly don't care.

I used to fill my days from 9:30 a.m., when I typically woke up, until 2:30 a.m., and then start all over again.

But there is an undeniable difference between filling your day with increments and filling your day with a chunk. What I mean by this is - it used to be that I filled my day with 2 hour increments. 2 hours for class, 2 hours for coffee with a friend, 2 hours for meetings, 2 hours for studying, so on and so forth, and before I knew it, it was 2:30 am.

Now, my life is one big chunk. Wake up at at 6:45, get ready, go to work from 8 am to 5 pm. By the time I get to the part of my day where increments are an option, I have enough energy for two or three and then things shut down and it is time to sleep.

What I think all "young adults" need is consistent increments. Things they are committed to weekly. 2 hour chunks of activity that they don't want to bail on, because other people expect them there. Otherwise, we fall into this pathetic eat, sleep, work pattern with a vague, translucent personal life hovering somewhere in the distance.

I need consistent increments. But I'm not sure how to find them without being able to go to the grocery store message board and tear off the bottom sections of a flyer for yoga classes or a book club.

Does anyone else remember those days? Back when there used to be active community bulletin boards at the grocery store? People would post flyers with the little tear off sections at the bottom, and you could take their contact information to find out more about their hiking club, or triathalon training?

I liked that. I was 15 when they were still being used, but I remember thinking "some day I am going to be the pretty 20 something filling my calendar with yoga classes, hiking groups and book clubs."

Now I am that 20 something (the pretty part could be argued) and I'm dying for a community bulletin board to instruct my social life.

Yes, it's a hobby.

Even if having a dog isn't a hobby - I think photographing them is.

I didn't take this photograph - so maybe not.

And yes, I know I am dangerously close to being that person who treats their dog like a child and buys them sweaters and insists on wet food.

I'm not there yet. I promise.

But come on... how cute is this dog?

Right?

Is having a dog a hobby?

So far I have failed miserably at pursuing a real hobby, but I'm starting to wonder if having a dog counts. You can't buy things for a dog at a craft store... but you can buy them all sorts of accoutrements at pet stores. It's practically a hobby researching ways to make them better pets.

For example: I have been trying to find a solution to the disaster that is Emma Lou (my dog)'s shedding problem.

Enter - the FURminator.

Apparently, this brush rids your furry companion of its undercoat and prevents mass amounts of hair from collecting under your sofa, in the corners of your room, and on your brown jersey knit sheets. After watching a short infomercial, I am convinced it will change our lives for the better.

Not to mention the petsmart Gods sent me a 15% coupon for the FURminator today. I have no choice. I have to go buy this $50 dog brush. Reasonable prices be damned.

How to hobby

This week I met my unreasonably observant pastor for lunch. One of the items of business to discuss was "how am I doing with my new young adult life?"

My immediate reaction was, "what do you mean?" I thought I was well into my young adulthood. Isn't that what your 20th birthday is about? You are a young adult - no longer a teen, not quite 21. I mean, thought I had the whole young adult thing down pat.

But as we talked she explained - she meant post college, and to avoid using the abhorring phrase "real life", she asked me how I was dealing with the transition from college student to young professional. And it was then that I realized, I am not handling it very well at all.

In fact, I suck at it.

Being a student made sense. You did well in class, you got involved, you spent time with friends, you found a job that was meant to further your social life and give you some walkin around money - and there you had it. And I was damn good at performing those duties.

But this new life, these new standards, these unfamiliar challenges...
What are we supposed to do with all the free time after five? How does one find a hobby?

My hope is that with a little effort, a lot of patience and a trip to a craft store, I am going to figure this whole "young adult" thing out.

But no matter how bad it gets I know sudoku will not be involved. I really and truly do not understand the appeal of that game.