Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Oh Pema...

Oh Pema... You infuriating little nun.

Pema Chodron makes me feel like a self-obsessed little fart. She would tell me to "embrace myself" to "live in my misery" and to "accept uncertainty."

And Pema, I'm trying. I am working on it.

Her book, Comfortable with Uncertainty, is full of bite-size lessons on accepting that we don't have the answers and searching for them will drive us mad. Her lessons remind me to breathe and accept the moment as it is. She tells me to stop waiting for people and places and jobs and friendships to give me what I need. Pema tells me that until I learn to be in my life fully, and accept myself and my current state of being in its entirety, I'm shoveling dirt into a bottomless hole.

And she's right. 

Between my exploration of the enneagram, journaling through 20 Something 20 Everything, and Pema's lessons -- my image of myself and my world is slowly coming into focus. I see myself with new eyes. I see the realities of my tendency to fill every moment, every hole, every fear with SOMETHING. I am learning that the reality is, SOMETHING will never be enough. 

My new goal is to embrace and appreciate the space.