Do you ever watch that show "chopped"? The one on food network where they give the contestants mystery baskets for three different courses - and the chefs have to make something incredible out of the random ingredients some sadist chose from the most underutilized rows at the grocery store?
I feel like I'm a contestant on that show lately. I don't know what will be in the basket I open but I'm pretty sure I won't have any clue what to do with it. In the appetizer basket I found a college education, family dilemmas, time abroad and cross country moves. I came up with a pretty quality young-adult-life starter plate. Probably a little heavy on the salt and high in calories but I was living richly, trying new things and feeling entirely terrified that the outcome would not be deemed worthy.
Now, I'm on to the entree part of young-adulthood. I'm trying to make something that will sustain me. I'm trying to put together something healthy, delicious and praised by all of my critics. I don't recognize half the stuff in this particular basket but I am almost positive I'm required to use a pressure cooker somewhere in the process of creating it.
There is so much stress, everything is moving so fast, and I feel like if I move too quickly I may lose a finger or completely ruin my would-be masterpiece. At the same time, if I move too slowly the opportunity to do something remarkable may pass me by.
I am on the edge of making a whole crap-ton of life decisions and I feel so much pressure to make the right choices. But one of the things I have come to realize recently is that there may not be "right" and "wrong" decisions. There are a plethora of possible outcomes, there are choices upon choices and options I haven't even been presented with yet. If I keep trying to figure out what this whole life thing is supposed to look like, my time is going to tick away and I'll just be standing still... frozen by indecision.
A close friend reminded me that you can't be certain about everything but the things you are certain about can help you figure out the rest.
I am certain that I want to learn to live in the present and appreciate the myriad of blessings I've been gifted. I'm certain that I have an amazing person to share my life with right now. And I am sure as hell that I don't want to waste any more time trying to figure out what my future is going to look like.
Is it time for dessert yet? There had better be chocolate in my basket.